3 Ways Men Have Failed Women

(c) vino on flickr

(c) vino on flickr

Our generation has lost what it means to be a man. This problem is well-noted by many in society, from churches to social commentators to websites like Art of Manliness that focus on teaching modern day men to recover what has been lost. Men have become accustomed to being takers and not givers, which has helped contribute to the breakdown in the family. Many of society’s ills can be traced back to this breakdown, especially considering that the greatest indicator for poverty is marital status. Men have abdicated their responsibility, so I thought it would be beneficial to look at  three important ways that men have failed women, especially in this generation.

#3. We Stopped Working

The Problem: We treat our lives outside of a “job” as a recreational opportunity, devoid of responsibility.

The Analysis: Brett McKay of Art of Manliness has written how modern man’s dilemma is that he no longer strives to take responsibility for everything in his life. We may work in the sense that we have the 9-5 job that brings home the bacon, but the temptation is so strong to just “tune out” and ignore our families and communities. Sometimes, the tuning out is just a way of life, to the point where we become so completely adverse to responsibility that we become completely unproductive human beings. It gets so bad that we outsource our usefulness to women, which is ultimately a disservice to them, because now they have to be twice as productive to compensate for deadbeat men. We abdicated our responsibility to women, who now feel that they have to be the responsible adults in relationships (whether romantic or otherwise). On every level, it is pathetic for a man to implicitly force a woman to carry the weight that should rest on his shoulders. In a very real sense, it’s sexism because it forces a woman to balance to roles, even if the woman feels empowered for having more power in the relationship.

The Cure: Own up to our sin of laziness and apathy and learn the lessons of Proverbs 6:6.

#2. We Fueled the Internet Pornography Empire

The Problem: When we decided that a woman was not a worthy thing to fight for, we began using them.

The Analysis: Porn is a big problem. Like, a really, really, really HUGE problem. The average age of exposure for porn is 11 years old. For every 10 men in church, 5 are struggling with pornography. And to give you an idea of the prevalence of this problem, 70% of 18-to-24-year-old men visit pornographic sites in a typical month. 66% of men in their 20s and 30s also report being regular users of pornography (Source). The fact is that this generation of men has grown up with instantaneous access to every kind of hardcore pornography in existence. It’s not just on our computers anymore. It’s on our mobile devices and every other kind of Internet connected gadget. Porn teaches us that women are objects to be used for our own conquests. It kills our instinct to protect those who are weak and vulnerable and instead exploits people for profit (it’s no coincidence that modern sex trafficking has kept pace with the porn industry). Not to mention it does tremendous damage to personal relationships by eroding trust and intimacy. There is a lot out there on why porn is insanely destructive, and it’s not the purpose here to delve into all of the reasons why it’s destructive. But the fact is that we have once again abandoned our responsibility to guard our hearts and our eyes and protect our sisters. We have absolutely failed women in this regard because we have done the worst possible thing: we have turned women into commodities.

The Cure: Get on your face before Jesus and learn the lessons of Psalm 118:5 and numerous other verses that feature crying out to God. Cry out to God and he will hear you. And if you’re in real trouble, visit Setting Captives Free.

#1. We Stopped Caring About Kids

The Problem: Along with using porn as a cheap substitute for love and intimacy, men decided that kids were a burden that needed to be abandoned.

The Analysis: Fatherlessness is another huge problem. There are studies upon studies that document the damage done when a father walks out on their kids. Numerous Hollywood blockbusters feature main characters that have “Daddy issues”. The truth is that there is no greater responsibility than caring for a child. Since men in this generation are experts in avoiding responsibility, ditching children is a no-brainer for the footloose and fancy free man. And what’s the easiest way to ditch your kids? For many, the answer is abortion. (The recent campaign known as #brochoice is a perfect summary of men who want to shirk responsibility and use women purely as sexual objects). Boyfriends pressuring their girlfriends to get an abortion is a fairly frequent phenomena. They want to avoid the responsibility, and if they don’t succeed in convincing their girlfriends to get abortions, they leave, and even when they do get it, they still leave. Some sources say that up to 70% of romantic relationships end after an abortion (Source). Fatherlessness is a growing epidemic, with as many as 1/4 of all children living without a father, and in many minority communities, the number is much higher (Source). The result: men have failed women by creating legions of single mothers, who are the most likely in society to live in poverty.

The Cure: Own up to our responsibility to be husbands and fathers. Learn the lessons of Psalm 127: 3-5.

I’m in no way suggesting that these problems are new (using women as objects is a problem as old as Adam). But in some ways, they seem to have particularly potent influence on this generation, and something needs to be done about it. Men need to grow up, take responsibility and turn to the only one who can really change them: Jesus Christ.

That’s it! If you liked the post, leave a comment or like it and follow! Thanks!

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52 thoughts on “3 Ways Men Have Failed Women

  1. Hey! It’s a two way street here folks! If women can’t toe the line, then why are you whining about the men? come on!

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    • That’s true, but the scope of the post is not intended to talk about every issue with both genders, but rather to simply focus on a few ways men can do better. Thanks!

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      • OK. I will grant you that men are making mistakes and can do better. My resistance on taking on blame for the whole problem comes from my own personal experience.
        When my wife started to experience menopausal symptoms, she told me she was not interested in sex and I had better learn how to deal with it. I thought that since I was since I was still healthy and able, I had two choices. I could find a real person to have an affair with or I could have a fantasy with an image on the internet. I rationalized the internet was the lesser of the 2 evils. Again, I felt justified because my wife told me I had better find a way to deal with the fact she didn’t want to have sex any more. I think the big mistake I made was to confess to her that I went to the internet using porn. She became angry, and never forgave me. I eventually divorced her because of her rage towards me.
        After all of this, I think perhaps we should have tried harder. Then again, if there is no compromise, no compassion, what is there?
        My point to you Kameron: How can you isolate one aspect of the issue when both genders are so enmeshed? Thanks!

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      • I certainly don’t intend for men to take on the blame for the whole problem, but you have to admit that without us, the porn industry wouldn’t exist. There’s a demand for porn and the industry supplies it, and there’s a whole lot of people responsible for it. It’s still sin, no matter how we paint it.

        I think I understand a little bit of your point of view; thank you for sharing. I’m just curious, are you a Christian? Forgive me for prying, but it seems there’s some bigger issues than porn that went on in that marriage.

        The subject of porn really deserves more discourse than I’ve offered here, so I agree that it needs to be fleshed out with all the aspects of it. While it’s not purely a “male problem”, I listed it here because I think it has a greater impact on men. I hope that explains why I listed it here a little better. Again, thanks for your feedback!

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      • Yes, there were some bigger issues than porn going on in my failed marriage. And yes, I am a Christian.

        Perhaps the failures you speak of are due to the fact that the entertainment industry knows that “sex sells”. Everything we see in the media has some level of seduction in it designed to sell something. Because these messages are always there, always hypnotizing us to believe we need to be with a slender woman with high cheekbones, pouty lips, big breasts, and a flat stomach. When you see and hear these messages daily in everything we see on television, in print, and on the internet, it is no wonder that the word of God becomes a whisper…

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  2. Over all a great post! I don’t see any sort of indication in Scripture however, of Adam ‘using’ his wife as an ‘object’. That would be the feminist undertones being read into Scripture. All in all, what you wrote is great my friend!

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    • I see your point. I was trying to say that it is ingrained in our sin nature to want to use women for our own pleasure and gain, and we’ve been like that since Adam. Thanks for the feedback!

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  3. Pingback: 3 Ways Men Have Failed Women | There is no way to love, love is the way.

  4. Thank you for being a good man. I’m not Christian, I’m Buddhist and I’m reblogging your post.

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  5. Reblogged this on like a fleeting wind… and commented:
    Just as men have failed women – likewise, women have failed men. But, this post is about men and there’s so much truth in it. I wanted to share it… Maybe because I’m working in Children’s Ministry and I see the lack of the male presence there. Or maybe, I’m just a woman who wishes to see men raise up and take their stance.

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    • Thank you for the reblog! I’d love to see someone come out with a counterpart on how women have failed men. I’m sure I’ll have more material forthcoming on calling men to repentance, so thanks for the comments!

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      • Aw of course 🙂 I’ve clicked to follow your blog, so hopefully, I won’t forget in the future to stop by from time to time and see what you’ve written!

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  6. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for writing this! I would also like to point out that the masculinization of womens’ culture has added to this problem, not directly via the womans’ lib movement, but the effects it has left on many cultures in the world.

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    • You’re welcome. 🙂 Totally agree. That’s a theme I hope to explore in future posts and maybe delve into some of the history behind it all. But you’re absolutely right.

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  7. Very thoughtful article, I’m not sure ‘Freakonomics’ gives insight into WHY the level of Fatherlessness is so high; whether it is a problem of income or just plain carelessness, I have no idea. However, I enjoyed reading this article because I have been trying to organise my thoughts as to why so many of us women had to be the ‘bigger man’ in the relationships. Anyhow, good article!

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  8. Great article brother. Sparked a very healthy conversation between my wife and I. God Bless!

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  9. I just wanted to say there are plenty of books and other resources that have shown how women have failed men. We are feminists, our clothes are causing men to stumble, we should cover up every area of our body (have you seen the “evolution of the swimsuit” on YouTube?) and we dont live up to the proc 31 woman. Believe me, women get blamed plenty. It is nice to see a list where men should also be held responsible. Women have been blamed for years for men stumbling. I have heard it all.

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    • I totally agree. I’d like to explore the issue more because Biblically speaking, the general default is that the man is primarily responsible. It’s our failure as men that we blame women for our sin. Thanks for your feedback!

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  10. Pingback: Women-Fight for them..or use them? | songsofintimacy

  11. I agree with you totally. As a wife and mother, I am physically and emotionally tired of holding my marriage together. Some male help would be greatly appreciated.

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  12. Hey kameron follow my blog edittle.wordpress.com

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  13. Pingback: The Leibster Award.. | songsofintimacy

  14. Wow! This made alot of sense and was an awesome post. I too must reblog this and share.

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  15. Reblogged this on D.E. Cantor and commented:
    While I (and others) may not agree with all of this, I just discovered this blog by Kameron and think it is so well-written and astute that I would like to pass it on to the rest of the blogosphere.

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  16. Pingback: 3 Ways Men Have Failed Women - Disciples Perspective | Disciples Perspective

  17. Enjoyed your blog greatly. You got your point across well & quickly. One thought for some of your commenters who were uncomfortable with you placing the responsibility on men as you did. Each of us is responsible for our own decisions, no doubt. “The soul that sins will die”. But don’t forget that Jesus also said, “Woe to him who causes one of these little ones who believes in me to stumble.”

    As you well said, fatherlessness, abortion, single mother homes, pornography, sex trafficking, STDs – these all go away for the most part if men acted like men by taking responsibility for themselves and stopped taking advantage of women and instead took up their God-intended roles as defenders of good & right.

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