3 Ways Men Have Failed Women

(c) vino on flickr

(c) vino on flickr

Our generation has lost what it means to be a man. This problem is well-noted by many in society, from churches to social commentators to websites like Art of Manliness that focus on teaching modern day men to recover what has been lost. Men have become accustomed to being takers and not givers, which has helped contribute to the breakdown in the family. Many of society’s ills can be traced back to this breakdown, especially considering that the greatest indicator for poverty is marital status. Men have abdicated their responsibility, so I thought it would be beneficial to look at  three important ways that men have failed women, especially in this generation.

#3. We Stopped Working

The Problem: We treat our lives outside of a “job” as a recreational opportunity, devoid of responsibility.

The Analysis: Brett McKay of Art of Manliness has written how modern man’s dilemma is that he no longer strives to take responsibility for everything in his life. We may work in the sense that we have the 9-5 job that brings home the bacon, but the temptation is so strong to just “tune out” and ignore our families and communities. Sometimes, the tuning out is just a way of life, to the point where we become so completely adverse to responsibility that we become completely unproductive human beings. It gets so bad that we outsource our usefulness to women, which is ultimately a disservice to them, because now they have to be twice as productive to compensate for deadbeat men. We abdicated our responsibility to women, who now feel that they have to be the responsible adults in relationships (whether romantic or otherwise). On every level, it is pathetic for a man to implicitly force a woman to carry the weight that should rest on his shoulders. In a very real sense, it’s sexism because it forces a woman to balance to roles, even if the woman feels empowered for having more power in the relationship.

The Cure: Own up to our sin of laziness and apathy and learn the lessons of Proverbs 6:6.

#2. We Fueled the Internet Pornography Empire

The Problem: When we decided that a woman was not a worthy thing to fight for, we began using them.

The Analysis: Porn is a big problem. Like, a really, really, really HUGE problem. The average age of exposure for porn is 11 years old. For every 10 men in church, 5 are struggling with pornography. And to give you an idea of the prevalence of this problem, 70% of 18-to-24-year-old men visit pornographic sites in a typical month. 66% of men in their 20s and 30s also report being regular users of pornography (Source). The fact is that this generation of men has grown up with instantaneous access to every kind of hardcore pornography in existence. It’s not just on our computers anymore. It’s on our mobile devices and every other kind of Internet connected gadget. Porn teaches us that women are objects to be used for our own conquests. It kills our instinct to protect those who are weak and vulnerable and instead exploits people for profit (it’s no coincidence that modern sex trafficking has kept pace with the porn industry). Not to mention it does tremendous damage to personal relationships by eroding trust and intimacy. There is a lot out there on why porn is insanely destructive, and it’s not the purpose here to delve into all of the reasons why it’s destructive. But the fact is that we have once again abandoned our responsibility to guard our hearts and our eyes and protect our sisters. We have absolutely failed women in this regard because we have done the worst possible thing: we have turned women into commodities.

The Cure: Get on your face before Jesus and learn the lessons of Psalm 118:5 and numerous other verses that feature crying out to God. Cry out to God and he will hear you. And if you’re in real trouble, visit Setting Captives Free.

#1. We Stopped Caring About Kids

The Problem: Along with using porn as a cheap substitute for love and intimacy, men decided that kids were a burden that needed to be abandoned.

The Analysis: Fatherlessness is another huge problem. There are studies upon studies that document the damage done when a father walks out on their kids. Numerous Hollywood blockbusters feature main characters that have “Daddy issues”. The truth is that there is no greater responsibility than caring for a child. Since men in this generation are experts in avoiding responsibility, ditching children is a no-brainer for the footloose and fancy free man. And what’s the easiest way to ditch your kids? For many, the answer is abortion. (The recent campaign known as #brochoice is a perfect summary of men who want to shirk responsibility and use women purely as sexual objects). Boyfriends pressuring their girlfriends to get an abortion is a fairly frequent phenomena. They want to avoid the responsibility, and if they don’t succeed in convincing their girlfriends to get abortions, they leave, and even when they do get it, they still leave. Some sources say that up to 70% of romantic relationships end after an abortion (Source). Fatherlessness is a growing epidemic, with as many as 1/4 of all children living without a father, and in many minority communities, the number is much higher (Source). The result: men have failed women by creating legions of single mothers, who are the most likely in society to live in poverty.

The Cure: Own up to our responsibility to be husbands and fathers. Learn the lessons of Psalm 127: 3-5.

I’m in no way suggesting that these problems are new (using women as objects is a problem as old as Adam). But in some ways, they seem to have particularly potent influence on this generation, and something needs to be done about it. Men need to grow up, take responsibility and turn to the only one who can really change them: Jesus Christ.

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It’s Not Your Job

So after a long hiatus from my blog, I’m back. The congressional campaign I worked on was a tremendous experience and I treasured every moment of it. Unfortunately, my candidate (Kim Vann, who ran against liberal icon John Garamendi) did not win, but she lost by less than any other Republican challenger in the state of California. Anyway, I am no longer working 12-14 hours every day and thus have a little extra time to write in cyberspace. So I have some thoughts and encouragements for conservatives nationwide.

First of all, as many of us saw, conservatives were the losers in last weeks election. Not only did we lose virtually every race we contested (and I do mean virtually every one), but we failed to knock off some very vulnerable Democratic members in key Congressional battleground districts. I won’t get into the nitty gritty details, but the overall picture is that we failed. Such a massive failure gets one thinking about the state of society as a whole; I did what I suspect many of my conservative and Christian friends did. I analyzed everything that could possibly have gone wrong, not just with the election, but with our society and I tried to come up with solutions to fix all of it.

Now, here’s the problem. That’s impossible. Any one of us could talk for hours about everything wrong with society: the entitlement mentality that is rampant in our society, the licentiousness and debauchery that’s accepted and encouraged, the sins of our fathers visited upon our sons. To try and come up with solutions for all of that is a really big responsibility.

And you know what? In a lot of ways, it’s unbiblical. Where in His Word did God every grant to me the responsibility to fix all of society’s ills? Where did He say that His work can only be done if Republicans win elections? Where did He tell me to go and fix all of it? I don’t think He did. But I do know what He did tell me to do. He said to go into all nations and teach and baptize them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit (Matthew 18-20). He told me to serve Him and follow Him (John 12:26). He told me that He does things a little differently than we do (Isaiah 55:8). He said to take care of the widow and the orphan (James 1:27). But He never said, “Things are really messed up down there. Come up with a plan to fix your society, present it to me and I’ll approve it.” My job is to serve God in the capacity He has carved out for me. It is not my job to fix the world. That’s someone else’s job (Jesus, maybe?).

I think what these recent events teach us is that God is still in control no matter what. It’s also important to remember that “quality of life” is not why we exist on this planet. If the Republicans win, yes, theoretically taxes are lowered and quality of life increases (if we didn’t believe so, we wouldn’t vote for them). But in the end, we are on this earth to glorify God. And that is why, ultimately, elections are insignificant. Of course, it’s important to be good stewards of our resources and government. But God is the ultimate aim.

Those are my thoughts. What are yours?