I’m Going to Kill A Man

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Author’s Note: This is a fictional short story. It should not be construed as a plan to kill someone; read to the end, and hopefully, it all makes sense. Enjoy and leave some feedback!

 

I’m going to kill a man.

I know who, I know where, and I know how. It will be quick and clean but satisfying; the culmination of what feels like a thousand years of hatred, bubbling up from within my heart. I’ve planned it so carefully. Everything will be perfect. Nothing will go wrong.

I can’t stand it anymore.

Injustice. Rage burns within me, rising up through my throat and dribbling out of my mouth as so many black, venomous words. It consumes me. It defines me. It is all I know. But, I’ll put a stop to it tonight. Tonight, justice will be served. Tonight, the poison will stop forever. I will have vindication, I will have revenge. No, not revenge. Justice. That’s what this is. It’s justice. Long overdue for what he did; the sins that shackled my hands, and darkened my future.

I will no longer pay for what he did. For what cannot be undone.

The voice that he stole will be awoken again. The words that have gone unspoken will now be heard. He can’t stop it! It comes at him like a storm in the night, relentlessly pursuing and encompassing him. His evil heart even now plays its final cadence; the sad conclusion to a cacophonous symphony of an engorged and decadent life. Beat by beat brings him closer to his demise. Oh, how I relish it!

The scent of candles hangs still in the air as I make my final preparations. My mind is swirling from the glimpse of impending resolution. A few short hours more and my campaign shall be complete. This insect, this monster, this loathsome parasite that has sucked the marrow from my bones shall be snuffed out. I recall each of his deeds…the crimes of a man lost in himself, destroying his family in a miserable rebellion against God and man. Those I love most have been torn apart by this ravenous beast. Hours upon hours…wasted and lying at the foot of a forgotten life. I’m the shell of the man I used to be, and it’s all his fault! Why am I so blind? I can be who I once was, but not while he lives. He gives me no choice. He takes and takes and takes. He has to die. He must suffer as I have suffered. This retribution cannot be undone. The price must be paid for these crimes…somehow.

It’s raining outside. How fitting a scene for my righteous retribution. I take my implement, my sweet device of deliverance, and silently creep down the hall to the study; his favorite place to commit his crimes. I open the door, and tightly grip my crowbar.

With a yell, I leap forward and slam the bar down onto my adversary. The brightly lit screen shatters with the first blow. In seconds, all that is left is a smashed wreckage of plastic and wires. It needed to be done to kill the man, the man that was me. But is he dead?

Breathing heavily, I fall into the leather chair that sits in the corner of the study. The crowbar slips from my hand. As I sit, fear begins to cloud my heart. Maybe I didn’t kill him. Maybe I’m not strong enough. Our mutual heart whispers his lies to me. He can’t be killed so easily! Freedom, seconds ago seeming so close, has evaporated. I feel his grasp closing around me again, pulling me down. Help!

In a panic, my eyes fall on an open book, sitting on the nightstand. I’ve never seen that before. The dim light in the room illuminated one short passage, and as I read it, understanding dawned. This was the answer, the resolution to my iniquity. Perhaps He could help me. I picked up the book and began to read, those first words still clear in my mind:

Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God.

 

 

Do It Right The First Time

I want to share a little story with you.

My scoutmaster (we’ll call him Scott) once gave a Scoutmaster Minute that has stayed with me for almost 10 years.

The incident took place during his time in the Army. Scott was an officer, and had just gotten off a brutal shift that had lasted nearly 24 hours with no rest. He joked that at the time he thinks he was taking coffee intravenously just to stay awake. Anyway, as he walked to his barracks, a very nervous looking soldier wearing civilian slacks and a white t-shirt approached him. He said, “Sir, can I have a word with you?”

Scott was about to say yes, when it registered with him that the soldier who was addressing him was not in uniform. Sternly, he rebuked the soldier and said, “If you’re going to address a superior officer, you need to be in uniform. Go change and then come back and talk to me.” The soldier protested at first, but Scott was firm. The soldier left and returned in his uniform, but it was disheveled and unkept. Scott again rebuked the soldier for his unprofessional appearance, and sent him back a second time. This time, the soldier took care that his appearance was professional and worthy of standing before the superior officer.

This time, Scott was satisfied. He said, “Now that you’re dressed appropriately, let’s take a walk. What did you want to talk to me about?”

Nervously, the soldier said, “Sir, I’ve been very depressed for a long time. Tonight, I told myself I was going to go out, ask to talk to the first person I saw, and then kill myself in front of them.”

Scott was shocked! The soldier continued, “But after you sent me back to put on my uniform, it gave me time to think, and now I’m not sure what I want.”

Scott spent the rest of the evening counseling the soldier, who ultimately decided not to take his own life. The moral of the story? Standing on ceremony may be a hassle sometimes, but there are good reasons for it.

Never underestimate the impact of insisting that things be done the right way, the first time. Because Scott insisted that the soldier follow the proper protocols of respect, the man’s life was saved.

Does Courtship Make Sense?

A “court ship”

There’s an article that’s been floating around the Christian online community in the past week or so called “Why Courtship is Fundamentally Flawed” by Thomas Umstattdt. Like many who read it, I had some interesting thoughts and I would like to share them with you.

While I don’t agree with 100% of what the article says, I thought there were some valid points. It brought to mind certain facets of my relationship with my wife that I find are relevant to the discussion. Namely, we didn’t court. Or at least, we never said, “Hey guys! Guess what! We’re courting!” We never went on a “court” to dinner and a movie, and we certainly didn’t have 24 hour supervision that seems to characterize many courting relationships in many circles. I think it’s important to realistically look at how a relationship works.

Doug Wilson responded to the original article and rightly pointed out that no matter what model people use, the fact still remains that the relationship is comprised of sinful people who live in a sinful world, and you’re going to have to deal with sin. That’s true, but I find the original article more persuasive. Thomas Umstattd also posted a follow up where he answered some of the questions that his original post brought up.

Exclusive Relationships Invite Temptation

One of the most important things that Umstattd pointed out is that the way his grandmother dated was by having mandatory dates with different boys in order to maintain a balance without getting too attached to one or the other. He pointed out that this helped his grandmother (at least when she was young) develop skills to interact with the opposite sex as well as give her an idea of what she wanted in a man. Furthermore, it helped to calm emotional ties with boys by not making it an exclusive relationship.

Courtship, in many of its forms, emphasizes emotional and physical purity and seeks to guard that by adding layers of security on it (which in some cases, is properly interpreted as legalism). As Umstattd points out, this really just exacerbates the problem of trying to stay pure because the hurdles of simply getting into the relationship elevates it to a level of exclusivity that is far above what it needs to be. It is rightly noted that for many guys, just asking to court a girl is tantamount to asking for her hand in marriage. I remember bringing up this very point with my friends when I was in high school and we all agreed courtship was something to be avoided.

When I actually met my wife and we were dating/courting/”going steady”, purity was hard. Duh. Whenever you get a guy and girl together and they’re in love, purity will be hard. Sin makes it hard. The more exclusive the relationship is, the harder it is to fight back. It’s not a defect of relationships; it’s just a fact. My beef is that courtship often accelerates exclusivity prematurely, which makes temptation more intense because of the emotional commitment involved. I recognize that accountability is also a strong part of courting, but accountability does not kill temptation.

Opposite Sex Relationships Are What is Important

My wife and I both have always had strong opposite sex friendships which I believe was key in us meeting and getting married so quickly. We already knew what we wanted, and when we found it, what was the point in waiting? Furthermore, we were friends for a solid two years before we became “official”. We didn’t have a relationship that was closely supervised, which would have made it hard to get to really know each other. Insofar as courtship is about pursuing marriage, then yes, we courted because we always knew we wanted to get married. So in a sense, when we made our relationship official, it was kind of like the start of a very long engagement because we knew nothing would break it down.

I believe that we were unique because we had a good sense of what to look for in a partner. That sense came from having strong opposite-sex relationships prior to meeting. This is what I believe courtship harms. There is often a sense of apprehension among guys about approaching a girl and getting to know her if you believe that she or her father may interpret that as a signal towards courtship (read: engagement). This is what I believe Umstattd was getting at. Don’t kill the relationship before it’s had a chance to grow.

Maybe the system of exclusivity inadvertently invite more temptation and accountability only goes so far. We are what is flawed, and maybe having a system that discourages opposite sex friendships by invoking the specter of marriage prematurely ain’t the greatest.

I highly recommend reading both the original article and the Q&A response that clarifies some issues from the original article. It’s an issue worth thinking about.

What do you think?

 

More like this:

Why You Shouldn’t Wait For Marriage

3 Ultra-Stupid Pieces of Marriage Advice the World Gives You

Why “Marriage Isn’t for You” Is Wrong